


Falling in Reverse

by MistyEyedCrow



Series: Misty's Complete Collection of One-shots [19]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: ...Kinda, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hallucinations, I just read too many fanfics lol, Who know!, also Xisuma always has to deal with so many things whoops, crabrave, fun fact i never actually watched season 5, loosely based of the NHO story in hermitcraft season 5, or is it his own mind?, or rather the part where they all leave Doc behind, so Doc is lost in season 5, the rest of the NHO are gone, who asked him to be the admin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28628808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyEyedCrow/pseuds/MistyEyedCrow
Summary: Laughter. Pain. His mind was swimming, thoughts rushing in a hurricane of emotions threatening to drown out memories of them, blurring the lines between reality and fiction. He had a choice now, he knew, a choice between living in the memories and moving on without them. Without his family.But Doc could only wonder if he would really ever leave.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Misty's Complete Collection of One-shots [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996384
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Falling in Reverse

_"Over here Doc!"_

_"We're waiting!"_

_"Come on, hurry!"_

Doc looked up from his hands fisted in the ground, head turning wildly from side to side. The voices of laughter seemed to echo in his mind, overlapping and loud, blocking out his own frantic thoughts. His darting gaze narrowed in on a space right next to the ruined skull structure, overgrown with weeds, three innocent poppies poking through the green. Red bleeding amongst the innocence of nature.

A blurry form took shape as he lifted his gaze, peeking between the leaves with an unrivaled smile and large animated eyes, red bandana holding back messy waves of hair glinting in the sunlight. A quick wave and gesture to follow, and the figure was gone.

Taking a deep, stuttering breath, Doc pushed himself to his feet, holding back the onslaught of feelings stirring in his chest. The light streaming through the thick canopy highlighted the edges of the cracked ruins, as if a reminder of what he had lost. If he listened carefully enough, he could hear the quiet chirps of birds hidden in the treeline, only watching from afar. But they never came any closer, nothing alive came into their camp.

See, he had been stuck in this reality for a while. Woke up every morning to the same sky, the same broken ruins, the ghosts of old hermits darting in and out like a sick game of chase. All could remember was a cycle of breaking down and picking himself back up, of barely-there figures encouraging him to his feet every time. No memories remained of a time outside of the jungle, even as other less familiar voices whispered their pain quietly in the depths of his mind, whispered their worries for him.

Still, his eyes never caught anyone other than his closest family.

He turned around the corner, heart beating painfully as his gaze settled on nothing. The area by the skull bore no traces of them, no footsteps, no broken twigs on the ground. He knew what would happen every time, but his heart could not help but lift his hopes at every apparition he saw. Another giggle sounded in his mind, so painfully familiar that his heart only beat faster in response, eyes closing for a second longer than a blink.

They kept appearing in corner of his eye, guiding him back to the ruins every time he tried to leave, to do anything but remember the past. He couldn't tell if it were a blessing a curse. Maybe they had a message, he had thought once, a message he could not yet understand. Maybe he needed to prove himself, somehow. But if they wanted anything from him, he still could not figure out what.

The base used to be alive, he knew. Under his watch, it had fallen into complete disrepair, nature taking back what was once its own. Maybe he had to do something to restore it to its former glory. Maybe, it was simply just punishment for him, for not venturing into the forest with everyone else that fateful day. Maybe, just maybe, if he cleaned up the camp, made it ready for their arrival, they would finally come back.

If he had been a little stronger, if he had pushed himself to join their adventure, he wouldn't have lost them all.

For now, though, all he could get was a little taste of what he once had, like a steady drug that pulled him into doing what the voices wanted. What they wanted. And if they wanted the base to be tidied up, he would do it or die trying.

The voices in his head were real, and the voices in his head were always right.

The sun was always merciless by midday, bearing down heavily on his form, as if trying to stop him from doing the right thing. From repairing the damage wrought on the memory of his present times. Most days, he learned to live with it, feeling his skin dry and crack over the knuckles, hands slipping in the repetitive motion of breaking and placing blocks, of fighting the creatures of the night that slipped into the shade. Working to block off the memories of when they were all still here for him. But on other days, when it got bad, it took all of his willpower to not break down in tears, rocking back and forth in the broken buildings he used to call home.

If he concentrated hard enough, they were still there. Just voices fighting to be heard in his messed-up mind, trying to get his attention. Those three were always louder than the other voices of concern, murmurs that threatened to crack his reality, to break his immersion. Voices that made some part of him break down and the other snarl in frustration.

_"C'mon Doc, please."_

_"Why is he still here?"_

_"Do something, X!"_

He hissed almost subconciously at that last voice, already knowing what was coming. The familiar sensation of being watched crept up his neck, and a crackle of leaves signified the presence of the other. X, or Evil X, as he started to call him. A voice of reason that never supported his actions, always whispering lies to get his way.

"Doc." The voice said calmly, close by, and he growled in response.

"Go away, Evil X."

He heard a sigh from behind and turned around quickly, eyeing the other strangely at the sight. The man always showed up in some sort of purple armour, but this time it was painted red, with strange line falling from the helmet on the top. He didn't look like the Xisuma from his time at all. Perhaps he was finally showing his true colours, perhaps he was nothing more than a mimic of the old admin, trying to gain access to his mind.

The figure tried to take a step forward, arms raising in surrender at his threatening hiss in response. Doc eyed him carefully, tensed, just waiting for honeyed words to slip past those lips.

"You know, you can't stay here forever. You can't live in the past, like this."

A laugh bubbled up from his chest, bursting past the growing lump in his throat. He hated it the most when Evil X spoke as if it was all so simple. As if he had a choice. 

It was all lies.

"Stop it." He growled, pitching his voice lower. His fingers itched to reach for his sword, but how could one fight against their own mind? "I won't listen to your false words."

The man sighed, his hand curling into a tighter fist by his side. "Come on, you know this isn't normal. They aren't here."

"Shut up." The tiniest tremble slipped into his voice and he mentally cursed himself. He could not allow the other to take advantage of his weakness.

They shared eye contact for a few moments, Doc glaring into the man's stony eyes. He had learnt by now that if he stood his ground long enough, Evil X would sigh and disappear too, just like every other vision he had. His fingers curled into tight fists, as if holding on to his own resolve. He just had to outlast the other.

Thos few seconds passed achingly slow, his whole body tensed up, ready for anything.

Evil X lowered his gaze, shrugging lightly before walking away from him. Doc blinked once, twice in response, eyes narrowing at the retreating figure. A deep feeling of wrongness settled in his chest, shoulders tense in his confusion. 

This was new. It didn't sit right with him at all. The man always had something to say, always fighting to let his lies sink in until he inevitably gave up, disappearing with a huff in a blink of an eye. Something had changed, this time. Still, he did not want to lose sight of the man, fearing what he might try out of his sight, keeping his distance as he followed him away from the watching skull.

Their journey continued in silence, agitation crawling under his skin as Evil X never stopped his measured steps forward. Doc followed quietly, padding softly after the armoured man, feeling his own thoughts begin to calm as the air around him grew thinner, the trees less oppressing as they started to space out. It was only after some time that he realised they had stopped, taking in what he was in front of him. He took a deep breath, holding it in surprise at the sight of a purple portal a few feet away, the sound awakening a memory locked deep within his mind.

They were far away from the camp now, the alluring voices of his friends dying down into quiet whispers, or perhaps imagined conversations at the back of his mind. The internal anger was fading, trickling away slowly, and he felt a tired ache settle in his bones, weariness lining his thoughts.

"What are you doing to me?" He mumbled, almost hoping the man wouldn't hear him. Evil X turned around to face him, his eyes seeming a little more clear, a little more alive. 

"Nothing. You're out of the jungle now."

Doc turned around at that, seeing the lines of trees a few metres away, the shadows under the thick trees almost ominous. He found himself hesitating to go back despite its pull. 

"You chose to follow me, Doc. My guess is that there's still a part of you that believes me, that knows something is wrong with this place, especially with that jungle. Surely you can feel it too."

Doc bit his lip, gaze locked on the trees just a few feet away. A part of his mind was shouting at him to return to the base, how could he ever deserve to walk away when he was the one to abandon them?

The other part was starting to understand, he thinks.

A quiet tinkling startled him out of his thoughts, head whipping around to settle his gaze on a small unassuming music box, nestled gently in X's two hands. He knew better than to think it was a coincidence. It was one carefully crafted by Etho, kind Etho who volunteered to go in his place, instead of staying to cook their next meal. Etho, who had spent painstaking hours on each one of his creations to make it perfect, Etho, another family member he lost.

A small tear betrayed him, falling from his human eye.

"Doc, I-" X paused, seeming frustrated before calming himself again. "Look, I can't promise that I can bring them back. I can't force you to follow me through this portal, either. But I can tell you that I will do anything to get them back, and that everyone else misses you, the fights we had be damned."

The box was pressed into his slack hold, waiting insistently until he closed his fist. He could remember a time where he himself had helped gather the materials needed for the musical box, watching from afar as Etho worked out its intricate design with a delicate touch. Gods, he missed them so much. A cooling hand ran gently over his head, pushing back the long curls, his eyes slipping shut at the soothing feeling. He didn't use to have hair that long. Trembles ran across his skin at the feeling, slow at first, growing as he felt his eyes begin to prickle at the clashing emotions in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he felt a someone else's touch. 

Looking back up into the man's eyes, he could see something akin to pity settling in those purple orbs, and his heart twisted further in pain. The man searched his own quietly, looking for something, before offering a sad smile, feet already stepping back into the swirling purple.

He didn't know what to do.

"Take your time, Doc. We'll be waiting on the other side."

**Author's Note:**

> yes, I came back after a pretty long hiatus with another fic set before season 7...
> 
> ...and not even with the fluff I promised :")
> 
> honestly, I just lost motivation to write. don't get me wrong, I still watch unhealthy amounts of hermitcraft, but I think I just didn't feel like writing about them? even now, I don't actually have too much motivation to write, I was just trying to avoid assignments in school! so, who knows what the future holds
> 
> fun fact, this fic has actually been brewing for a pretty long while, but every time I opened the draft for it, even if it had been weeks since I last touched it, the line 'come on, what's the big deal, no one's that heartless' from EDEN's song falling in reverse kept playing in my head! hence the title of this fic :)


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